


Broken in Faith

by nellehui



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Kinda, M/M, Sad, as you can see i still don’t know how to tag, based off of jun’s cover of “I’m sorry I love you”, junhui doesn’t really make an appearance, mostly wonwoo-centric, only 96line exists in this fic, or does he?, pls cover a happy song jun i don’t wanna keep crying, the day jun covers a happy song is the day i will write fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-26
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2020-10-01 21:07:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20405008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nellehui/pseuds/nellehui
Summary: Wonwoo has always liked to walk in the forest by himself. It made him feel a sort of calm that was difficult to come by in the noisy and overcrowded city where he grew up.Today is different though. He is on his way to finally see Junhui again.





	Broken in Faith

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t know where this fic came from (yes I do I blame you Wen Junhui). 
> 
> Also PLEASE I SWEAR I LOVE JUN HE IS MAH BABY
> 
> If y’all catch any mistakes feel free to tell me! Honest criticisms are very much appreciated  
(((o(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)o)))♡

Wonwoo has always liked to walk in the forest by himself. It made him feel a sort of calm that was difficult to come by in the noisy and overcrowded city where he grew up. 

Today is different though. Today is one of the few days that he gets to spend with Junhui, his boyfriend of five years, with the approval of his friends, since they think that Junhui is a bad influence on him. 

_ ‘As if my angel can ever be bad for me,’ _ Wonwoo thought. He is excited to meet up with Junhui after a long time at their regular meeting place in the forest, next to the old cypress tree. It’s just a 10 minute walk to the tree, but knowing Junhui all too well, Wonwoo surmises that he is already waiting there, and probably has been for quite a while. 

To Wonwoo, Junhui would probably be a person full of contradictions. His angel hates waiting, never knows what to do with himself while waiting for someone else, but then he’s also always the one who gets there too early, thus having to wait for other people. His angel says that it’s because he would rather be early and wait for others than have other people wait for him, as he doesn’t want to inconvenience them. 

There was a time when Wonwoo arrived earlier than Junhui, but Junhui looked so horrified and apologetic about being “late,” even though they had agreed to meet at one in the afternoon and it was only twelve thirty. Wonwoo never tried to arrive earlier than Junhui afterwards. 

Looking at his watch, the one Junhui got for him four years ago, Wonwoo decides that it was time to go to see his angel. After dressing up and deeming himself worthy to stand in Junhui’s presence, he cheerfully said goodbye to Soonyoung and Jihoon, who looked at him with worry in their eyes. The two are his friends who rent the apartment with him. They are also the ones who disapprove of him seeing Junhui. 

As he walked towards the forest, Wonwoo’s thoughts drifted back to Soonyoung and Jihoon’s disapproval of Junhui. Wonwoo doesn’t know why; they had no trouble with his angel until two years ago. In fact, he would even say that they adored Junhui, who was the oldest in their little group of four, as he was 5 days older than Soonyoung, the second oldest. The two being so close in age made them inseparable. Sometimes Wonwoo would even have to drag his angel away from Soonyoung because Junhui wasn’t paying him any attention. The shenanigans and pranks that these played weren’t just a few either— Wonwoo can still recall vividly the time when they thought it was a good idea to put powdered chalk on their homeroom teacher’s chair. Their stern, strait-laced teacher always came to class wearing what seemed to be the same business suit, and the duo wanted to see if that was true. Obviously, the teacher was incensed, but he couldn’t find the culprits, who said that they needed “_ to focus their concentration on more pressing matters _,” with the pressing matters being what’s served for lunch. 

Junhui with Jihoon… now that was a sight to see. Despite the small frame of Jihoon’s body, the amount of food that he eats is usually the same as the portions of Soonyoung and Wonwoo combined. And add to that Junhui, who can never say no to food… the two are indeed a force to be reckoned with, and they know it. Whenever Jihoon wants to eat out, he always drags Junhui along, since he knows this will get Wonwoo to come as well. And why does Jihoon want to make Wonwoo come along? Well, it’s obviously so that he can pay for their bill. Jihoon knows that Junhui can’t resist him when he acts cute, so he doesn’t have to worry about paying the bill. But, with a rare show of sympathy, Jihoon did not want Junhui to suffer the consequences of their meal. Soonyoung knew from prior experience never to eat out with the duo, so that leaves only Wonwoo, the poor victim. They all made fun of him for being so whipped for Junhui that he was willing to allow the inside of his wallet to gather dust, and everyday was full of laughter and smiles.

But then… what happened? 

Wonwoo only recalls there was a day a couple months back when the two came up to him and asked if he was ok. Funnily enough, he doesn’t remember why they asked that, but he has the niggling feeling at the back of his mind that the reason was pretty important. He only remembers saying that he’s fine, and that he’ll be out with his angel that day, so his friends shouldn’t wait up for him. This is when Soonyoung and Jihoon started acting weirdly. They began saying how he needs to stop thinking about Junhui, and that he should forget about his angel. 

Understandably, Wonwoo had become angry. Even though they were his friends, why should they decide for him who he should be with? The trio had a huge falling out, with Wonwoo storming away, and only reconciling when they gathered together for… an event? What event was it? Wonwoo feels the memory at the back of his mind, almost within grasp; it was something about flowers being placed carefully on the ground by a trembling hand, the chill of the touch of damp earth and—

Just as Wonwoo was about to dig deeper into his memories, his foot hit a part of the pavement that was slightly higher than the rest. Stumbling awkwardly, he managed not to fall, admonishing himself to actually pay attention to where he’s stepping. 

Having lost his train of thought, Wonwoo decides to shrug it off, and walks briskly with a spring in his step, weaving his way through the crowded city streets, towards the place where his angel is surely waiting for him. 

  
  
  


~ • ~ • ~

  
  
  


He isn’t here. His angel isn’t here. Where is he? He’s supposed to be here. Wonwoo feels the claws of panic gripping him tightly, the first fingers of fear sliding its icy hands into his body. 

Looking around frantically in the clearing with the cypress tree, Wonwoo hopes to spy the mop of chocolate brown hair and oversized hoodie that would announce Junhui’s presence. 

No luck. 

Breathing heavily, Wonwoo’s eyes dart back and forth, praying that his angel would come up to him, rushing, maybe because he stopped to help a pregnant lady to get to the hospital because that is just the type of thing that he would do and—

“Wonwoo!”

He whirls around, eyes wide, ears twitching at the familiar call of his name from lips plumped by the bad habit of biting them. The soft yet firm way his name is called in a voice capable of putting even heavenly choirs to shame as well as the sheer relief he feels at Junhui being here makes his rapidly racing heart slow down to a more normal rate. 

But upon seeing his angel, his heart rate quickly picks up again. How can he not when his angel looks so sinfully gorgeous, so reminiscent of those masterpieces made by great artists from ages past? 

Lips curving to a smile and eyes gazing tenderly at the ethereal figure before him, Wonwoo feels that he is so lucky. How on earth did he get the chance to call this wondrous being his?

The lips opposite of his broke out into a sunny smile, and the delightful voice once again called out “Wonwoo!”

“I’m here, my angel,” he replies, trying to record the sound of Junhui’s voice calling out his name in his mind. He couldn’t. But it doesn’t matter. He doesn’t need to imagine the sound of his angel’s voice when his angel is already in front of him, right?

Wonwoo stood there, smiling back stupidly, basking in the glow of his angel’s smile, until Junhui took the initiative to sit, cross-legged, on the ground. He sat there, shaded by the towering cypress tree rising grandly above them, and gestured for Wonwoo to do the same.

As Wonwoo did so, he was struck by the peculiar look of Junhui’s eyes. His angel’s eyes had always been clear, with a brilliant shine, always lively and playful, full of spirit, yet today, his eyes, although still shining, seem more like the dull glare of the sun on plastic rather than the shimmering ocean of mischievousness it had once been. 

“Wonwoo, I think we need to talk,” Junhui’s words broke the silence that laid upon them. Adjusting himself on the bumpy ground, Wonwoo nodded and said, “Sure, what is it?”

  
  
  


~ • ~ • ~

  
  
  


Junhui is Wonwoo’s faith. Wonwoo could lose everything that he owns, lose everything that can be lost; as long as his angel was there, he could show a carefree smile and persevere. He had poured all of his love into his angel. He invested every single bit of his emotions into Junhui, making them as much a part of Junhui as they are a part of Wonwoo. 

So when Junhui told Wonwoo that he is but a mere ghost, kept in existence by his own lingering emotions, Wonwoo refused to believe him. Refused to believe how the Junhui in front of him would eventually just fade away, chased away like the remnants of a shadow under the harsh glare of the sun. He _ cannot _ believe him, because to him, Junhui is everything that he lives for. And if his everything is gone, why should he continue holding on? 

Wonwoo, stricken and excessively pale with fear mixed with denial, abruptly stood up and staggered away from Junhui. He feels a sense of déjà vu, as though he had gone through this exact scenario multiple times already. But that can’t be, right?

_ Where exactly is he going? _ Unknowingly, his feet had automatically taken him towards the one place he knows he will not be judged— the apartment he shares with Soonyoung and Jihoon. 

  
  
  


~ • ~ • ~

  
  
  


As soon as Wonwoo had stepped out of their shared apartment and the door clicked shut, Soonyoung turned to Jihoon, words tumbling out of his mouth in rapid-fire succession. Jihoon could just barely make out some phrases from the jumbled mess. 

“—he is still— why can’t he just let go— _ Junnie _— he needs to accept— we keep telling him— every time—”

“Hoshi,” Jihoon cuts in with a rarely used nickname, getting his attention, “We can’t do anything if he chooses to not let go. You know how much we’ve tried to make him see, we’ve even brought him to doctors, but he just insists that everything is the same as it was in the past.”

“But he keeps going out to see _Junhui_– Junhui’s been dead for over 6 months already! All the doctors we’ve been to have said that he’s showing signs of schizophrenia but I don’t know what I can do to help him!”

“You know what I think? I think that Wonwoo knows the truth, but he just denies the reality so that he can believe in a false illusion, so that he can have peace, even if the peace is false. Sometimes I wish I could do the same,” Jihoon muses aloud, “But Junnie is dead, and no amount of wanting things to be the way they were before would change that,” he says, with a tone of finality that dampened Soonyoung’s own vehemence. 

Soonyoung had no words left to say. The two sat in an uncomfortable silence for an indeterminate amount of time until the silence was broken by the sound of keys jingling against the lock, and with a _ click _, the door swung open to reveal Wonwoo, eyes wild and blazing. 

  
  
  


~ • ~ • ~

  
  
  


Wonwoo as a child and even during his adulthood believed in fairytales and happy endings. It wasn’t that he believed in them in the sense that he thinks there are dragons guarding ancient castles or wicked witches awaiting to be punished– if anything, Wonwoo would say that he was very rational. But Wonwoo was also a romantic. What he chose to take away from the stories was the promise that all things happen for a reason, that everything leads to an eventual happy ending, that no matter what, true love will always find a way. 

When Soonyoung and Jihoon told him in that apartment that Junhui is dead, and has been dead for over 6 months now, Wonwoo felt his world collapse around him.

He realized that his angel is gone. Gone was the presence that kept him grounded, the one that was able to soothe away all his problems. Gone too was the previous Wonwoo, the one that sees the world through rose-tinted glasses, the one that believes the world would deal out fortunes and misfortunes equally. 

He had tried to push his feelings into an illusion, one that he knew wouldn’t last, but wanted to delude himself into believing. 

But the illusion could not replace his angel. The illusion could not make him feel the familiar warmth radiating from his angel’s body, could not allow him to feel emotions in the same capacity as before. The illusion could not retain Wonwoo’s belief, even though he tried his hardest to ignore the warning signs. The illusion could not let him feel love. 

Kindness without love makes one a hypocrite. Similarly, believing without love makes one simply a fanatic, chasing after a vision with overzealous enthusiasm, never knowing when to stop or give up. 

  
  
  


~ • ~ • ~

  
  
  


Wonwoo slowly walked back to the old cypress tree. It was the same road he traveled this morning, but the emotions he felt were polar opposites. 

He didn’t see Junhui by the tree. 

As though in a daze, Wonwoo murmurs– to himself? Or to Junhui? He doesn’t know anymore. “I know you’re there, my angel. I know you’re waiting for me. Just wait a bit longer, okay? I’ll be there soon, I promise. I love you so much… just wait for me a little longer…”

Faintly, Wonwoo’s ears picked up the sound of someone singing wistfully as if in reply, “Even if I’ve left my body one day, I still can’t be separated from you. I still want to continue being with you, tell you that sentence, ‘I love you.’” 

**Author's Note:**

> ;-; what have I done... I SWEAR I LOVE JUN
> 
> Please come talk to me on cc or on twt ... I need more carat friends/mutuals ... I promise I don’t bite
> 
> twt: @moons_hui  
cc: nellehui


End file.
